Yummy Fitness

Secret Wishes of Failure - Do They Want You to Quit?

May 3rd, 2008 . by Sean Bissell

You’re at a family event, and your walking around doing your “catch up” with members of the family you haven’t seen in quite a while. Lots of hand shaking and hugs, smiles and laughs, “Nice to see you again! How’s everything been going? Wow you look great! Are you on a diet?”

You explain to them that you’re not really on a diet, just trying to eat a little better and exercise more. Everyone seems to understand, and is happy for you, some even have their own suggestions for you, or stories about their friend who tried a new diet and is having great success.

The night goes well, and you go back home.

Fast forward 3 months in the future. You’re back at the same type of family event and end up seeing the same family members again. This time everyone is very impressed with your appearance. “Wow! You look incredible, what have you been up to?!”

You proudly, yet modestly tell them what you’ve been doing, eating right, exercising, etc. and everyone seems to be very excited for you and also a little surprised with your progress. You can tell there’s a hint of disbelief, and a slight whiff of jealousy in the air.

As the night progresses, the excitement of your progress turns a lot of attention onto you, and people start tempting you with sugary drinks, candy, chocolate, deserts, you name it, everyone wants you to “celebrate” your success. They say “Aww, come on! You look so good right now, why not just have a piece.” You respectfully say “no thanks” and everyone becomes frustrated and even slightly angry towards you.

You wonder what is going on, why were they so supportive towards me earlier, and now all anyone wants me to do is to eat a bunch of junk food? And they’re also telling me that I work out too much, and that I don’t need to be doing all of this “fitness” stuff. Why is this visit so much different? What’s going on?!

Lets back away from this situation for a minute. Does this sound familiar to you at all? Have you been in a similar situation? Or seen this happen at a family event, work party, or other kind of gathering?

Well, you’re not alone, this happens all the time.

It seems that in the beginning of any one’s journey to gain better health and fitness, people are very supportive and want to help you every step of the way. (Mostly with advice.)

But as time progresses and you actually start seeing great results, people start to back away? Why is that?

Well, this can be traced back to some deep rooted ugly emotions that not many people want to talk about. But we might as well tackle this one head on before we start getting much further ahead with our blog posts, because this situation will happen to many who start seeing great progress.

These emotions are jealousy, and resentment, and they’re felt by almost everyone, no matter how “good” or “bad” a person is. And these are often emotions that we try to deny feeling, even if we don’t realize we’re doing it. So if you find yourself in one of these situations, it’s not really any one’s fault so to speak, but it’s important to realize what’s happening so you can overcome these potentially dangerous situations.

Let’s start from the beginning of how these secret emotions often play out behind the scenes.

Here we go:

When you start out with your fitness journey, let’s just say you are trying to lose weight. When you tell others about your goal, everyone wants you to do well, why wouldn’t they? So they try and be supportive, but more than that, they have a deep rooted thought behind that support. And that thought is… that you’ll probably give up. So they want to be as supportive as possible up front so that when you eventually give up, they can go back and tell you and themselves, “well at least I supported you.”

Keep in mind, people who do this often times don’t realize they’re doing it, so try not to blame them for anything.

The real problem starts rearing it’s ugly head when you start achieving great things with your weight loss and people start noticing. Here’s where the big jealousy word kicks in.

Those people who secretly thought you’d give up and go back to your old ways, when they see you making real progress… subconscious alarm bells start ringing in their head, and the demons start coming out to beat them up.

The demons start telling them “wow, do you see them?! They’ve lost so much weight already, they look great! How come you can’t do that huh? You’re just fat, you don’t have any motivation, and you just give into cravings, you can’t even get off the couch to exercise, you’ll always be fat!”

And whenever your previous “supporters” see you their demons start flying around their head again telling them all sorts of mean things about themselves. Basically, you remind them that they want to lose weight but can’t seem to.

So what happens? Well, they want those demons to go away, and the easiest way to do it is not to lose weight themselves, the easiest way is to make you mess up and start gaining weight again.

You see, that makes the demons say “See! They can’t do it, so it’s fine that you can’t either, now you can feel good about sitting on the couch and eating carmel candy corn all day.” Problem solved.

So now you’ve got to deal with your ”previous supporters” hidden demons. And the way that you’ll most likely see them come out is by being constantly tempted by other people to break your plan, and to eat that ”off-limits” food. “Just once!” They say.

But once turns into twice, and twice turns into three times, and three times turns into… well you know the drill.

If you break down and give into other people’s demons, you’re destined to give up, and that’s just what the demons want.

Remember, the people who are tempting you to give up, break down, and just eat “one” really they don’t want you to fail. They’re just dealing with their own demons, and you happen to remind the demons to come out. It’s not your fault, and it’s not their fault, it’s simply something that happens.

And you need to know that it will happen, so you can recognize it, and overcome the demons.


Easier said than done, but one simple and effective strategy is to first remember that they’re just the demons talking, if the other person really does care about you they want to see you succeed. So simply tell them “thanks, but I think I’ll pass this time.”

Simple, easy, but it works.

The key is to not explain why, just tell them no, and leave it at that. Then change the subject as quickly as possible to keep those little demons distracted.

Remember, it’s not your or their fault.

But we want you to succeed, and it’s important to recognize what’s happening. Because if you stick with this blog, you’ll likely see success, and you must meet that success with the correct ”ammo” to keep moving past those ugly demons that will show up sooner or later.

But ultimately, those demons are a great thing, because they just show that you’re making great progress, and you’re doing a great job.

So bring on the demons, we can take ‘em! 

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